Friday, January 31, 2014

The Dream


Below is a dream that I had nearly a year ago. It is one of the most vivid dreams I have ever had. Very few of the details that I wrote were made up later. I apologize for the nasty part in the third paragraph. It was in the dream, I didn't make it up.  Well, I guess my sub-conscience made it up... So... yeah whatever.

Warning. I put this together very quickly and I'm not a writer nor do I pretend to be, so if you think, "this is terrible writing," you're probably right, and thank you.



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I stood at my post.  From my position on the battlements, I could barely make out the sea and the waves it carried to the beach just a couple hundred yards from the city gates. I shuddered. We knew the invasion was coming, but with the mist and the fog as heavy as it was, we would have no warning as to when.

Giving up on ever seeing the horizon again, I looked down toward the beach and saw my father at the head of the army assembled just outside the city walls. I could just faintly hear him hooping and hollering, waving his battle axe in the air, rallying our men. Next to him was his life long friend and brother in combat. They would take the invaders head on, leading our men to their deaths. But they were ready to die, with honor, for their banner. It took everything I had not to abandon my post and join my father at the head of our army, but orders were orders, and I was to direct the hail storm of arrows that would rain on our enemy from the walls.

A trumpet blast from the streets behind me pulled my attention from the beach. A carriage halted before the city gate. The king had decided to come out of his keep after all. He climbed down the carriage step and onto the street. When he got there, he turned and helped his sister do the same, though the way he snatched her forearm and gave a quick tug, she was better off without his help. She stumbled down the step as he caught her in his arms. As she tried to break away from his hold, he grabbed her chin and forced upon her an aggressive kiss. She slapped his face and was immediately slapped in return. Rage and disgust filled the hearts and faces of the men who watched.  The king's sister turned and embraced their armored uncle who had just arrived to greet the king. "Take off your helm, Uncle!" the king shouted. The king's sister moved aside to allow her uncle to heed the king's command. Once done, the king spoke, "Sister, kiss our uncle before he leaves to fight in battle! Go on!"
The king's uncle responded, "That isn't necessary, your grace, I --"
"She will kiss you, Uncle, or she will feel my wrath!"
At this the uncle quickly kissed his niece, knowing that the king had ordered lesser crimes to be punished by death. He hugged her, and whispered an apology and promise into her ear. Having done this, he returned his helm to his head, saying, "The men on the walls wish to hear you speak, your grace." Then he turned to walk through the gates and join his men outside the walls. The men on the walls did not wish to hear the king speak, but the suggestion distracted the king from his sister, who had just returned to the carriage.

The king began to speak to his men, but no one listened. The king had not been king for long. His father had died just weeks ago. One day he had been healthy. The next he was sick and could not get out of bed. The next he did not wake. His son was worthless. The incident that had just occurred was a reminder of that. He would not be king for long. Even if he survived the upcoming invasion, his own people would do the deed. He was sick, mad, incestuous. His father had been a great man, a great king, a great leader, but his son had none of his qualities. Had the king's men not been so busy preparing for the invasion, they would have dealt with this new monster that had succeeded his father's throne, but there was no time for it now. It was doubtful anyone would survive after today anyhow.

I went back to studying the blanket of fog that hid the horizon, disgusted. I had half a mind to send an arrow through the king's heart where he stood now, but I needed the men to focus on war.  Suddenly, the wall of fog seemed to change. Areas of it seemed to darken. I realized then that the dark patches were the black sails of the enemy. I shouted, "The enemy is upon us!" cutting the king's ignored speech short. He immediately jumped into the carriage and ordered it to fly back to his keep. The coward.

Battle cries were screamed from our men on the beach. But soon their was silence as from the fog came more ships than we ever could have imagined. The enemy was innumerable. Down on the beach my father and his friend screamed their battle cries as my father pounded his battle axe against his shield. He was blood thirsty. Once again the army behind him joined in with their battle cries. My father and several brave soldiers with him could not wait for the enemy to come to them, so they started wading out into the waters, ready to pull enemy soldiers from their ships and into the depths. He would be swarmed and destroyed.

I could not control the urge to help my father. I turned to the man next to me and gave him my commanding post. A quick glance back at the beach showed my father, already engaging the enemy, three or four at a time.  I ran down the steps, to the street, through the gates, and toward the beach. By the time I was half way to the water, I was surrounded by battle. I easily knocked two soldiers that had stood in my way. I came to a quick stop. Twenty yards in front of me was an enemy soldier wielding a war hammer, standing in my way. There were ten dead men at his feet. Our soldiers were giving him space, not daring to fight him. I charged. As I closed the gap between us by half he began raising his hammer over his shoulder as if he was going to smite the ground in front of him. Just before he swung downward, he released his hammer, sending it my way. I had not been expecting this and took the blow to the chest, knocking the air from my lungs. My armor caved and dented, adding to the difficulty in breathing. I lay on the ground next to where his hammer had fallen, trying to regain my breath.

The soldier walked toward me, taking his time. He taunted his enemies around him, daring them to fight. No one did. He kept walking around me, jeering at the others. I was still unable to breathe properly, let alone move. Finally, satisfied with his taunting, he stood over me. Slowly he picked his hammer up off the ground. With his back to me, he addressed his enemies again, "Now watch your brother die!" In one fluid motion he lifted the hammer over his head as he turned toward me and smashed the hammer to the ground. His face contorted in pain and shock as he realized I was no longer there. As he had begun swinging the hammer to the ground I had managed to roll out of the way, grab my sword and pierce his gut. He lost the strength in his legs, allowing my sword to sink further into his flesh, finishing the job.

I pulled the sword from my enemy, got to my feet, and continued my jog to the beach. Having seen my victory, my brothers in arms regained their confidence and vigor, helping me thrash through the enemy toward the place I had last seen my father.

I was suddenly blindsided by an enemy soldier, tackling me to the ground. We both go to our feet and began thrusting and parrying. He was a strong fighter, skilled, and fast. He forced me back, back, back. We were moving along the beach, away from the heaviest fighting until we were among only a few fighting men on the rocks perched where the mountains met the beach. At this point, he ripped off his helm and I nearly dropped my sword in shock. I knew this man. He was the father of a dear friend of mine, a friend that was fighting for us on this very battlefield.

"Have you seen my son? Where is my son?" He asked.

Enraged to see an old ally fighting for the enemy, I struck again with my sword.

"Enough," he cried, "You either fight for them or you die. See? Already they've reached your walls and breached your gates!"

I turned and looked and saw that he was right. In less than an hour, there would be nothing left.

"My father!" I yelled.

"He's gone. He took a dozen with him, though, son, I'm sorry."

At this news I had no fight left in me. I sheathed my sword and sat in the rocks that concealed us from the battlefield.

Days later, the city had been burned and the enemy had moved further inland, continuing their rampage across the land.

We walked along the beach. We found his son. We found my father. I collected his battle axe. In a pocket we found some parchment that he must have been using as a journal. The last entry simply read,


"My God, there must be a million of them."



Sunday, March 4, 2012

Grandpa Boon

Andrew Boon was born on September 26, 1923 to Marinus and Hendrika (Hattie Van Bemmel) Boon near Doon, Iowa.  He grew up in the area and graduated from the 8th grade from Rock Valley Christian School. He married Johanna Wallenburg on November 30, 1945 at the home of her parents in Inwood, Iowa. He worked as a hired farm hand, then they farmed near Rock Rapids until moving to Rock Valley in 1965. Together they raised eight children. They were members of the Rock Rapids Christian Reformed Church, and later 1st Christian Reformed Church in ROck Valley where he served as an elder and taught catechism. He worked at Roorda Machine Shop until he retired in 1986. Upon retiring, Andrew worked at Rock Valley Plumbing and Heating. He and his wife also worked part time at Den Hoed's Greenhouse and cleaned Jim's Barber Shop. Andrew and Johanna were very involved with their family and spent many hours attending their grandchildren and great grandchildren's special events such as church programs, school programs, and birthday parties. He enjoyed fishing trips, playing cards adn games with family and friends. On Labor Day weekend each year they would take a short trip with his brothers and sisters. Andrew's hobbies included woodworking and tinkering in his shop. He was a true handy man. Johanna passed away on March 27, 2011. Andrew moved to Four Seasons in May 2011 and to Whispering Heights in January 2012. Andrew died on Wednesday, February 22, 2012, surrounded by his loved ones. He was 88 years of age.



I was able to visit Grandpa on Tuesday, the night before he left.  He was weak, and it was apparent that he was in his last hours.  The man I saw lying on the bed was hardly the one I recognized as my grandpa.  I was able to sit by the bedside for a while and hold his hand, watching as he struggled for air and to try to cough the crap out of his lungs.  He was so weak, he could hardly gather enough strength to do something as simple as cough.  Though his eyes were open, he couldn't see me, but we think he was still able to hear us.

I don't mean to paint such an uncomfortable and sad picture in your mind, and that isn't the way I want to remember my grandpa, but seeing him in his bed like that really opened my eyes that night.  Maybe you have experienced watching someone struggle in their last hours of life, fighting for every breath.  If you have, maybe you can understand what I am about to describe. If you haven't, maybe the limited details of my own experience can help you see what I saw...

I saw death.  Death is ugly.  Death is grotesque.  Death is saddening.  Death is utterly undesirable.  Death is destruction.  I saw this as I held Grandpa's hand and sat near him.  For a second, I wanted to curse Satan because I was blaming him for the death and the sin and corruption in this world that destroys flesh and that was taking Grandpa's life.  But then I realized that it was I who chose this.  I chose this through Adam (Romans 5:12).  I soon realized that this image of a dying man is what sin looks like. And since that night, I have this image in my head every time my conscience calls me out on some sin I have committed. Again, this isn't a pleasant image and not one that I want to remember Grandpa by, but this sobering image really put sin into perspective for me.  I have a better idea now of the destructive and grotesque separation from God that sin is.  Even if the sin I commit makes me feel good or seems pleasurable... It actually looks like death.

Before I left Grandpa's room that night, my dad pulled out his guitar, and as a family, we were able to gather around his bed and sing hymns.  The first song we sang is the one that sticks out in my mind the most...

  1. Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling,
    Calling for you and for me;
    See, on the portals He’s waiting and watching,
    Watching for you and for me.
    • Refrain:
      Come home, come home,
      You who are weary, come home;
      Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,
      Calling, O sinner, come home!
  2. Why should we tarry when Jesus is pleading,
    Pleading for you and for me?
    Why should we linger and heed not His mercies,
    Mercies for you and for me?
  3. Time is now fleeting, the moments are passing,
    Passing from you and from me;
    Shadows are gathering, deathbeds are coming,
    Coming for you and for me.
  4. Oh, for the wonderful love He has promised,
    Promised for you and for me!
    Though we have sinned, He has mercy and pardon,
    Pardon for you and for me.


Luckily for Grandpa and for all believers, death, in the end, has no victory... has no sting.  An encouraging text that I received from a dear friend on the day of the funeral reminded me of this.
"But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep."  1 Thessalonians 4:13-15

The pastor also read from this during the service. The passage continues.
"For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words." 1 Thessalonians 4:16-18

Grandpa isn't dead.  He's asleep.  And when Christ comes again, whether it be within my lifetime or after I too have fallen asleep, we will both rise to be with Him forever at last.  So as the pastor said as he finished the ceremony at the cemetery, "We don't have to say "goodbye, Grandpa." But rather, "Goodnight Grandpa... see you in the morning.""    


Grandpa was able to make it to the wedding only two months before he left.  We were so happy and thankful that he was able to make the trip all the way down to Des Moines.  This is the image of Grandpa that I will remember. 

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Happy Election Year!

Alright, so I have been trying to catch up a bit on the political news the last couple of days.  This mostly means I've been going to websites like cnn.com or foxnews.com and checking out some of the latest political articles.

Normally, I do not pay much attention to the whole business because I had given up trying to understand what is going on.  More specifically, I had given up trying to be a "responsible United States citizen" because I couldn't recognize the truth in all of the hubbub of the political world.  I know that there is an objective truth out there somewhere, but I have no idea what it is.  Everything you read is biased.  It's either the Republicans blaming the Democrats for all of the problems we're facing or it's all of the Democrats blaming the Republicans for all of the problems.  You read one article arguing one point, and it makes absolute 100% sense, but then you read another article arguing the opposite point and it ALSO makes 100% sense.  Politics is just two parties trying to blame ALL of the nation's problems on each other.  I can't even decide who to vote for because I know that none of what I read is the truth.  It can't possibly be one party's fault.  They're all responsible and they're all too stubborn to work with each other on fixing the problems we face.

If anyone is reading this and is particularly politically minded and opinionated, I am sure you are laughing at my vague complaints, rolling your eyes, and thinking that I need to educate myself.  The point that I am trying to make is that I am unable to educate myself, and it doesn't work.  Person A tells me to read from source 1 because source 2 is biased towards people B.  Then person B tells me to read from source 2 because source 1 is biased towards people A.  What the heck?! I am unable to understand which candidates or parties are filled with less BS.  All I see is a bunch of people arguing about which party is responsible for the mess that the States are in.  None of them are willing to work with each other to fix the problem.  Instead they insist on working against each other and seemingly get nowhere (sort of like this post).

After a couple days of trying to catch up a little bit on the political news... This is all I've been able to come up with:

I don't like Romney - I seem to find myself agreeing with all the comments I've heard from his opposition that he does not understand the situation that our nation's poorest find themselves in.  He just seems like a super rich guy trying to buy his way into office.

I don't like Santorum - The guy has said too many stupid things throughout his campaign.  That's all I'll say.

Obama? - Sadly, I have been most impressed by THIS GUY.  Why is that sad, though?  Because I live in the most conservative county in the US and I should be strictly Republican and because I'm letting everyone down who lives within 100 miles of me (at least)? I don't know.  What I am impressed with, though, is his little speech he gave at some breakfast thing the other day.  He laid down his own personal values and supported his economic and health plan with these values.  Moreover, he laid down his Christian values... saying things like "because I am a Christian, I believe..."  He went more in depth about his faith than I have ever heard any politician do before (granted, I will admit I do not pay much attention usually).  But he was pulling quotes and themes from various places in the Bible.  He didn't just simply say, "Because I am a Christian these things are important to me and I try to run the country this way..."  No, he went in depth pulling Scripture from specific books such as Proverbs and Luke.

Then again, he has been in control for nearly four years now and... what?  Not much has been done... We've spent lots of money... We've gotten more and more in debt and what not and blah blah and such. We've all heard it.  That doesn't say a lot of good things for him.

And that's all the further my knowledge and opinions take me...

But so what?

Maybe Romney isn't what his opposition is making him look like... I could be way off.

Maybe Obama was simply trying to gain/retain votes from the Christian population.

I have no idea... There is an objective truth out there... and I do not... and believe that I CANNOT figure out what it is.

So now what?
I'll continue to stay posted, but I do not see myself ever becoming confident in my perception of who these men are by the time election day arrives.  As a result, I could very likely choose to stay home and not vote.  Some people will think less of me because of this choice.  How can I give up this responsibility and duty as an American?  I simply feel that I cannot support something unless I am confident of what IT is.

I really hope that I DO end up voting because that would mean that I have found confidence in a candidate's ability to lead the nation.


Lastly, I want to apologize.  I sat down and just started typing.  And this is what I seemed to vomit out.  If you made it this far... you deserve a prize.

Here you go.
I enjoyed this.
http://www.lulzz.com/2012/02/now-this-is-how-you-troll-someone.html

Adios

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A Sea of Listeners

There are somewhere between 6.5 and 7 billion people in the world.

11 of them follow my blog.

My last post was read by 3 people.

2 out of those 3 people do not belong with the 11 that follow my blog.

1 was from Germany.
and
1 was from India.

That leaves 1 person that I actually MIGHT know reading my blog.

Apparently I write more for my own enjoyment than for the enjoyment of others.

Oh well.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Just Sharin Some Tunes

Alright, so I used to be obsessed with Nine Inch Nails. It's hard to call it a band because it's mostly just one guy coming up with the music and the lyrics. Anyway... the music that he writes is usually quite depressing and it sort of scares me how much I used to like his music. That was about five years ago, though, and now days I do not listen to hardly ANY Nine Inch Nails. This song, however, is one that I loved then and I still do. I do not mean to say that I condone any message that the song may be sending (as it is one that is probably not healthy for someone without a strong faith to cling to). I also do not mean to say I am depressed or confused or anything (that's for anyone who finds these lyrics to be depressing). I simply think that the artist captured an extremely strong... emotion(?)... in this song. I would say that it is best captured when actually hearing the lyrics being sung along with the music rather than simply reading them. If you have the time and/or interest, here is a link to the music: right where it belongs

right where it belongs - nine inch nails

see the animal in the cage that you built
are you sure what side your on?
better not look him too closely in the eye
are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
see the safety of the life you have built
everything where it belongs
feel the hollowness inside of your heart
and it's all right where it belongs

what if everything around you isn't quite as it seems?
what if all the world you think you know is an elaborate dream?
and if you look at your reflection is that all you want to be?
what if you could look right through the cracks would you find yourself...
find yourself afraid to see?

what if all the world is inside of your head
just creations of your own
your devils and your gods all the living and the dead
and you really ought to know
you can live in this illusion
you can choose to believe
you keep looking but you can't find the woods
while your hiding in the trees

what if everything around you isn't quite as it seems?
what if all the world you used to know is an elaborate dream?
and if you look at your reflection is that all you want to be?
what if you could look right through the cracks would you find yourself...
find yourself afraid to see?

-----

As I already mentioned, I do not listen to Nine Inch Nails anymore.  If you want to hear a song that I am currently obsessed with, listen to Just a Kiss by Lady Antebellum... Omg

I mean seriously... the chorus?

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't wanna push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright with just a kiss goodnight

and then the second verse?... sigh

I don't know... maybe I am just relieved that it's not another "you're hot, I'm hot, let's play sex and touch each other and be slutty together" song.  Instead it's a song about WAITING and not ruining the love that might mature out of their relationship...
...

Yikes.

But seriously...
It's so good...
...Even if it is on the radio three times within every hour.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Something to Share

Genesis 4:3-7

In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry and his face fell. The LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it." 




This is the first time in Scripture after the Fall that the Lord commands man to rule over his sin and avoid it.    I thought that this fact was neat after coming across this passage during my quiet time this morning.  This passage stuck with me throughout the day, and I soon realized that in it, God is not only speaking to Cain, but also to me...

It had been much, much longer than I care to admit since I have had a quiet time.  I was frustrated, stressed, and... well maybe even angry.  This fellow's blog entry seems to capture the emotion quite well, actually.  I felt that my continual attempts of growing and maturing in a deep relationship with God was becoming more stressful and frustrating than joyful and reviving.  One might even say that I had become angry.

After reading the above passage - especially the bolded part - I began to be set free from this discouraging state, and began looking forward to continuing in abiding in Him with a renewed vigor.

I was further encouraged by the wording in this passage.  "If you do well, will you not be accepted?"  God does not say, "You have been accepted, therefore you will do well."  Rather, in this particular passage, it seems that God gives to Cain, and to us, the freedom to choose to rule over sin and do well, and in the end, be accepted for it.  Instead, Cain allowed his sin to rule over him, and he committed the first murder history.


Proverbs 23:17-18
Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the LORD all the day. Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.

Psalm 42:11
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.


Every day I have the choice to abide in the Lord. Every day I have the choice to rule over my sin, to do well, and to be accepted by my God and Savior.  Every day I am tempted by sinful desires and emotions that tell me I will be happier and filled with more joy serving my own self.  Sometimes I fail and succumb to these lies, and I feel unable to partake in the joy of serving my God.  Sometimes this lasts for a while.  But when it does, the two verses above encourage me to continue even when I feel that I cannot find the will to want to.  And after being reminded again this morning by God's words to Cain, I cannot help but be drawn in, once again, to my God and King.  

Monday, January 9, 2012

Screw It... Why Not?

*Ahem...*

"Hello-o-o-o-o-o?"

"Anyone there-ere-ere-ere-ere?"

*Trevor squints into the darkness, trying to see what lies beyond the edge of the stage, trying to stifle a cough that attempting to clear the dust that entered his lungs upon speaking into the microphone that has been left unused for months...*

*He opens his mouth again to speak, inhaling as he tries to form the words that will portray the stories he wants to tell, but when the air moves again from his lungs into the open air, no words are said... Instead, a small sigh takes their place.*

"what do i say?"


"no one is out there... no one is listening... not that i can see..."


"why would anyone have come here to listen to me anyway? i myself haven't been on stage for... what? half a year?... it's dark... the spotlight hasn't turned on... i'm sitting here in a black void"


*Trevor turns on his heel and takes a step toward the small door in the back corner of the stage - the one he had entered through - but then pauses*

"i could tell them about the "flood" that destroyed half of my house this summer..."


"i could tell them about this past semester and how it caused me to worry about my future plans..."


"ha. i could tell them about me being married and about the wedding and honeymoon and how being a married man feels and..."


"nah... i want something with substance... something with deep meaning... something that people will read... and read again... and show other people.  something that will make people say "huh, that was real..."  


*Trevor slowly turns and stares at the microphone that is barely visible in the heavy darkness that blankets the room.  He awkwardly shuffles his way to it and again inhales, hoping that this time a rich sea of words might come flowing from his lungs, his mind, his heart.*

*His head droops as once again, words fail and his emotions lose him in both confusion and frustration*

*Slowly, he raises his head and stares straight into the face of the darkness in front of him*

"I came to say something... I do not know what... And I do not know if anyone is listening... But I find that I have nothing to say anyhow... Maybe I will be back soon and maybe I won't... When I do, maybe I will have something to say and maybe I won't.  In the meantime I will keep doing what I have been doing and hope that I can find a way to share something that is worth sharing with you."

"Goodbye"